You wonder why?

You wonder why?

You make me want to laugh,

You make me want to cry,

You make me want to sigh,

You just sit there and wonder why?

I smile when I see you,

I cry when I don’t,

I can’t bear to hear you say goodbye,

You just sit there and wonder why?

I hear you on the phone,

I suddenly hate you,

I want to die,

You just sit there and wonder why?

I see you most every day,

I get so happy, ecstatic maybe,

I am so high I can fly,

You just sit there and wonder why?

Calculated Risks

Calculated Risks

I feel so scared

Not necessarily of change

But of succession

Of things to come

Good and bad.

I am not a gambling man

But I do take calculated risks

How calculated is this?

They say

“If something isn’t broken…

Why fix it?”

This isn’t broke.

They also say

“True Love will conquer”

I love you

But do I love you enough

To take this chance?

Tears Of Pain

Tears Of Pain

I saw You

First as a friend

We got on well

Maybe too well

How was I to know

This is where

Where it would end.

Without you

Here by my side

I feel blue

And confused, deep inside.

You told me

That you loved me

I wanted to say ‘I love you too’

But I decided to let it be.

Now you are gone

I’m left wondering why?

Why you? My darling,

The one I love, had to lie.

Crying in pain

Silent screams of anger

Saying you wanted me

When all along it was her?

Breathing Hard

Breathing Hard

I hear the panting, hard and heavy. I can feel the dampness of the breath on my neck. The hard sobs racking through the body, each silent sob more deafening than the last. No sounds are needed for me to hear the pain, the terror. I could see the heartbreak, the horror in the blacks of his eyes. I am fighting the overwhelming urge to join in the screaming. My own eyes are filling with tears, tears of incompetence, tears of stress, and tears of not being able to keep the demons at bay. I feel like I am to blame, it is my fault. I started this. I am sure my heart is beating out of my chest. I consciously try to ease my breathing hoping if I am calm, it will help him. He is gripping so tightly, his tiny fists twisted in my jumper, the softness of the wool no match for his grip. He twists it further and tries to bites at it. My chest heaving too, but I can see and feel his rise, like a tidal wave pushing further each time. His face post box red, the clear drool dangling and mixing with his tears, congealing on the light fluffiness of his sleep suit. Winnie the Pooh’s face slowly becoming engorged with wetness.  My tears are stinging my eyes, my head spinning, my heart beating, my pulse deafening in my ears.

Another part of my life

Another part of my life

Sitting here, I feel so alone

You are gone,

My life is falling apart.

I had hoped you’d ask me to be your wife,

But that’s another dream,

Another part of my life.

I used to stay out late, just to talk to you,

Talking was so easy then

But without you, I feel blue.

In each others arms, we’d sit for hours,

Talking about the future,

That was ours for the taking.

But now, I am so alone,

I miss you like crazy,

But then, that’s another part of my life.